I’m nervous as I walk into Daniel’s building. The security staff smile at me and nod politely as I walk into the lift. I haven’t been here in a few months now. I press my thumb to the scanner and I’m half surprised when the doors actually close and the lift starts to move up.
I pause when I step out of the lift. Everything is just as I left it. A few months ago I lived here, and now I’m here as a visitor. Daniel and I have sort of been dating for a couple of months now. We haven’t slapped any titles on our relationship, but as far as I’m aware, our relationship has been exclusive ever since he tricked me into agreeing to another date. After each date came a request for another, and before I knew it months passed by. Months filled with us dating like any other couple. Months filled with amazing sex, weekends away and countless dinner dates. We haven’t spoken about a future together at all though, and I’m scared I want more than he is willing to give me.
“Hey, you’re here. I thought I heard the lift. Why are you just standing there? Come in.”
I snap out of it and enter the apartment. Daniel walks back to the kitchen, his black apron on. I follow him and hop onto the kitchen counter like I used to. He grins at me and spreads my legs to stand between them before pulling my face towards his. He kisses me before pulling away to get back to cooking.
We’ve gone on numerous dates and we’ve ended up sleeping with each other almost every time. A few times in his car, often in hotels owned by Devereaux Inc. and a couple of times at my place. For some reason, we never came back to Daniel’s apartment. I guess we might’ve been avoiding it subconsciously, since it’s where we spent our entire marriage.
It looks like he will be a little while longer so I grab the glass of wine he poured me and walk around the house. I gasp when I walk into the living room. Daniel comes running up and looks at me in panic. I point at his wall in horror and his eyes follow, a blush spreading along his cheeks. He scratches his neck in a cutesy manner and looks at me sheepishly.
“Dan, why do you have paparazzi photos of us on the wall?”
My eyes roam over the photos. In many of them, we’re caught in compromising positions. There’s one where we were making out on the yacht. I’m in his lap and we’re all over each other. They’re far from appropriate. There are other photos of us in Singapore or other trips away, and some on dates in restaurants. There are even a few of us walking hand in hand or smiling at each other.
Daniel shrugs. “Well, we rarely take photos together. And to be honest, these guys don’t actually do a bad job. They’re annoying as hell, but the pictures are kind of cute.”
“Cute?” I repeat numbly. He nods and glances down at the floor, looking absolutely adorable. I shake my head and he grabs my hand to lead me back to the dining table. It doesn’t take long for him to serve us dinner. Every time I offer to help, he declines and fills up my wine glass.
“I made you the stir-fry you used to love when we lived together,” he says.
I smile and take a bite, a small moan escaping my lips. “It’s still the best,” I whisper.
Daniel smiles at me, his eyes twinkling. “I was thinking we could maybe watch a movie afterwards?”
I’m surprised and look down. Dinner and a movie at the apartment. It’s exactly what we used to do while we were married. It feels nostalgic and it makes me miss living with him.
“Yeah, I’d love to.”
Daniel grins and gives me two options. “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban… or the Order of the Phoenix.”
“Aw damn, trick question. I love both. Obviously, we must watch both.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Let’s see if we get through half of one first,” he mumbles, his eyes darkening. I blush and look away. We’ve been all over each other recently, and I truthfully don’t think we could get through a whole movie without falling into bed together.
He spoons me on the sofa and I try my best to watch the movie, but the way he kisses my neck distracts me. I tilt my head to give him better access and he smiles, his lips moving down. We’re only twenty minutes in when Daniel has his hand underneath my blouse.
“Baby,” he whispers. “How about we watch the movie tomorrow?”
I giggle and nod at him. He lifts me into his arms and carries me to his bedroom. Everything still seems to be the way it used to be. Being here makes it feel like nothing ever changed between us, and we’re still married.
He puts me down on the bed carefully and lies down next to me. He kisses me so softly and so gently that my heart skips a beat. I moan and deepen the kiss, eager to get his shirt off. I fumble with the buttons impatiently and Daniel laughs. He pulls it over his head and I ogle him shamelessly. Counting our marriage, we’ve been together for over a year and a half, and I still can’t get enough of this man. He still steals my breath every time he undresses. He sees the appreciation in my eyes and smiles smugly. As he’s about to lean in and kiss me, I spot something red and lacy from my peripheral vision. I frown and reach out to grab it. Daniel tries to stop me, but I fish it out from underneath his pillow.
“Women’s underwear?” I murmur. I’m so shocked I’m barely comprehending what I’m seeing. I sit up and stare at him in disbelief.
“You took someone home recently? To our apartment? In our bed?”
Daniel shakes his head and holds his hands up. “Babe,” he whispers.
“I thought we were exclusive. I mean, we haven’t specifically said it… but surely there was an implicit agreement that we were?”
“Babe…”
“How could you do this to me, Daniel? How could you break my heart over and over again? I’m done with this. I’m done with you. I’m done putting my heart on the line only for you to let me down time and time again.”
“Babe,” he whispers yet again, a hint of exasperation in his voice.
“Who the hell is it? Is it that girl again? The one you’re in love with?”
“Alyssa!” he snaps. He grabs the underwear from where I threw it and holds it up to me. “Honey, these are yours. They’re yours.”
I blink at him and then glance at the underwear in his hands. My cheeks turn crimson as realisation dawns on me. He’s right, those are mine.
“I — you — what the hell are they doing in your bed?” I shout, angry and embarrassed. Daniel chuckles and runs a hand through his hair. He looks shy and just as embarrassed as me.
“I… uh… well, you left them here,” he stammers.
I frown. “Okay, but even so, why are they in your bed?”
He looks away and clears his throat uncomfortably. “I… uh… I just missed you. I forgot I put them there. I didn’t really intend to get caught like this. I mean, I don’t know… I don’t really have an excuse.”
He looks so uncomfortable and so awkward that I can’t help but smile. I stare at my underwear again and burst out laughing. “Dan, what exactly were you doing with these?” I ask, holding them up. He blushes fiercely. Even his ears are red. I’m tempted to tease him further, just to see him looking so cute and flustered.
“Seriously, though. You gotta stop being like this, Lyss. There’s no one but you. You keep bringing up another girl when the only one in my life is you. It breaks my heart that you don’t trust me. We’ve been together for so long and you know what my schedule is like. Where the hell am I supposed to find time to cheat on you? I spend every free second I’ve got with you. I’m yours. There’s no one else.”
I look away, unsure of whether I should believe him. My heart feels unsettled. He’s right. He has spent all his time with me, and I’ve never thought there might be someone else on his mind. But I’m still feeling insecure.
“I don’t know, Dan. You divorced me. You left me. Things were going well between us and I genuinely thought we were happy, but then you just up and left. You signed the divorce papers and asked me to move out of the place I’d started to consider my own. You blocked my phone number and avoided me for weeks. You even went so far as to sign over your shares to me so you could be free of the contractual obligation of fidelity you had towards me.”
I inhale deeply and try my best to remain calm. “I might be the only person in your life right now, but how long will that last? How long until you walk out again? How long until you go back to ignoring me? You ask me to trust you, but you keep breaking that trust. You might not have cheated on me, but you have taken away the security I used to have with you. You were all I had, Dan. And you left me. You left me saying you were in love with someone else. I spent our entire marriage falling deeply and irrevocably in love with you. But while I was falling for you, you were busy falling for someone else. How long will it be until you break my heart again?”
Daniel grabs my hands and rises to his knees to face me. He presses our joint hands to his heart and looks into my eyes. “Alyssa, I wasn’t thinking clearly when I did what I did. It’s no excuse, but I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing for both of us. I never should have ignored you the way I did, but baby, it’s the only way I could stay away from you. I swear to you, Lyss… I will never ever leave you again. I’m only human, baby. I made a mistake. It was a grave mistake, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Fucking hell, Alyssa, I’m so fucking in love with you. You’re probably the only person around us that doesn’t realise it. There’s no one but you, Alyssa. I swear it.”
I want to believe his words so badly. I’ve been longing to hear him say that he loves me for so long. But now that he has, it doesn’t ring true. It feels hollow. You don’t leave and divorce the person you love. I could never ignore Daniel, and I’d never hand him a resignation letter if I thought he needed me. I’d never ignore his pleas like he ignored mine.
“Daniel, if your version of love entails letting down your partner and abandoning them when they need you most, then I don’t want it. I’m sorry, but I genuinely think we should break up. We should’ve just left things be when we got divorced. I don’t know what I was thinking…”
Daniel tightens his grip on my hands and shakes his head. He looks panicked and stares at me pleadingly. “Lyss, no, don’t do this to us,” he says, throwing back the same words I uttered when he left me. “I know I made mistakes, Alyssa. Fuck, I know. But I love you. I love you so fucking much. I’d do anything to make it up to you. I’d do anything to regain your trust. I just need you to give me a chance. An honest chance. Just one, Lyss.”
He drops his forehead to mine as a tear escapes my eye. I sniff and shake my head. “I can’t, Daniel. I’ll just destroy myself in the process if I do.”
He throws his arms around me and hugs me tightly. He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply, unsteadily.
“Baby, if you truly decide you don’t want to be, with me I’ll respect your wishes. But before you decide, give me a chance to tell you my side of the story. Meet me tomorrow evening at our restaurant. I’ll explain to you why I did the things I did, and if despite all that you don’t think you could ever trust me again… then I’ll let you go, Lyss. Just give me that one last chance. Just hear me out tomorrow, that’s all I ask.”
